How real are online relationships?

posted by Josue Habana on Crescent Cove
74 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 30 minutes, 25 seconds ago
[612 views]

I have just watched a documentary that was broadcast on BBC2 (UK TV) last night (30th Jan). The 40 minute documentary, 'Wonderland - Virtual Adultery and Cyberspace Love,' focussed on Second Life and relationships within this virtual world. The main focus was on Carolyn, a married mother of 4 living in the US with her husband and children yet having an online relationship (of which her RL husband is fully aware) with Elliot, who is in the UK. The documentary goes into some detail about the emotional and 'physical' side of SL relationships and takes it into RL when Carolyn goes to meet Elliot. For any of you planning to watch this, I won't give the whole thing away! But it makes for some interesting watching and raises some topical debates! The other couple featured were both British and now living happily together in RL, with very little said about the relationships they were both in previously. The documentary raised a lot of questions. I personally know a lot of people in RL relationships who also have SL relationships (some whose partners know, others don't). I know others whose SL relationships are their only ones and those for whom SL is completely separate from RL. I do find it difficult to comprehend how people can openly tell their husbands/wives of however many years that they are also having an online relationship and how these husbands and wives in some cases can actually be ok with that! For some people Second Life really is just a game, just roleplay. And that's fine! But does there not come a point where, if you have a partner in real life, certain role play is just not ok!? Alright, alright, cybering is not real physical sex. But as over 90% of sexual enjoyment is in the mind, I would consider it adultery anyway! I mean, thinking about sex with someone, describing what you want to do to someone and indulging in their enjoyment too is adultery if you're with someone else. Sex isn't just the physical side of it. Other questions dealt with were those about whether something started in Second Life can work in the real world, whether people who meet in game and fall in love are in love with their partner's avatar or the person behind the avatar. A combination of the 2 perhaps? Is it possible for something that begins in a world you have created for yourself, a somewhat idealistic place in which your avatar can be everything you want yourself to be - is it possible that something like that can ever lived up to when you take it out of the confines of pixel paradise? For me, I consider those I've met in game, those closest to me, not just as avatars anymore. I know their real names, I hear their real voices, talk about real issues with them. Any feelings I have towards them are very much real. Although I came here with the intention of separating the two, it isn't feasible. I really don't believe so, anyway. Emotional ties form quickly in an environment when all you can base your opinions on is someone's personality. For those who can separate (or claim to be able to) I would put forward the question: When someone says something funny to you in game, is it your avatar who laughs, or you, the puppet master? Developing real ties in a virtual world is perfectly acceptable, I believe. Times change, the way people meet changes with them. The internet is fast becoming a perfectly socially accepted way to meet friends/lovers. My personal belief is that anyone who embarks on a relationship online with the intention of keeping those feelings separate is naive. And anyone who embarks on a relationship online while with a RL parter is cheating and undoubtedly is unsatisifed with their RL relationships. Yes, it's a sweeping generalisation. Yes, it's a bold statement. But one I truly believe. For any of you UK based people out there who wish to watch 'Wonderland' this is available until 6th February on BBC Iplayer, which can be found at www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer
at: Crescent Cove (152, 81, 22)

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1 comment...

Talaith Llewellyn
posted at 21:46:19 - Sat 2nd o February, 2008 GMT
I would really like to see "Wonderland" but it can apparently only be viewed from IP addresses within the UK. Your post raises some really good and thought-provoking points.

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